Versions of Me

How many times have you seen a new you in the mirror? For better or for worse? How many times better?

Over the years I have only experienced confusion on the person I am aside from purpose bit in spirit. I long to breathe air of other countries. I long to experience a home with high ceilings. I long to feel the stimulation of a sea of fans reciting words to my music. I long to feel understood and seperate from the world. I feel seperate from the world. I know that's right but regardless, how does it look?

I grow every year into a stronger and more understanding person. I'm beginning to understand wisdom now that I approach 30. Lately I've been in the midst of great black people with firm beliefs in who they are based on the doctrine of others or the connection to ancestors. I honestly feel like my own ancestor. I feel like I'm tethered to my own world and my own beliefs rendered only from the truth that comes with life. But what did that look like?

I sit now realizing so many mistakes and decisions that were made out of misunderstanding this one thing. Those same mistakes make changes to my face and hair. They make changes to my sound and my creative process. But no changes have landed me where I'd like to be yet. To get to the best version of me I must accept the levels and take each step in appreciation.

In order to become what I wish to appreciate I must also be patient and blameless. Prudent. As I change and grow I must remain constant and resilient. I see that in my growing self. I also see my old selves. I wish I could see my new self.

I'm on the way